Arranging Christmas holiday contact when separated 

Arranging child contact during the Christmas holidays can be a tricky balance for separated or divorced parents, as both typically want to create meaningful holiday memories with their children. With careful planning, respect, and flexibility, it’s possible to create a holiday schedule that ensures the best experience for everyone involved.

Start planning early

Planning holiday contact arrangements well in advance can help avoid stress for both parents and children. The earlier you start discussing arrangements, the more likely you are to reach an agreement that feels fair to everyone and it gives both parents time to adjust their plans if needed. This also allows children to know what to expect, helping them feel secure and easing the emotional challenges that can accompany Christmastime.

Consider past agreements and court orders

If you have a court order or previously agreed-upon contact arrangement through a Minute of Agreement, this should be followed for Christmas arrangements. Many court orders outline specific holiday contact provisions, such as alternating Christmas each year or splitting the day in a way that’s meaningful to both parents. Keeping to these established terms can minimise misunderstandings, though both parents should be open to agreeing to minor adjustments if they better meet everyone’s needs.

If there’s no formal agreement in place, it may be a good idea to put something in writing that both parents can refer to. This doesn’t have to be a legally binding document but can act as a clear reference point to reduce misunderstandings.

Balance time between parents and families

Try to consider both parents’ traditions, beliefs, and family gatherings. Many families choose one of two common setups – alternating years and split days.

Alternating years has one parent celebrating with the children on Christmas Day one year, and the other parent having them the next. It can help maintain a sense of equality and allow both parents to plan special events and gatherings around their “on” years.

Some families split Christmas Day, allowing the children to spend time with both parents. For example, one parent may have the children on Christmas Eve and the first half of Christmas Day, while the other takes over for the evening until Boxing Day. Splitting days can work well if both parents live close by but may be less practical for those who live further apart.

Put the children first

The focus of holiday arrangements should be on the children’s experience, keeping their emotional needs as a priority. They may feel torn between both parents or anxious about spending Christmas differently than in previous years. To reduce this stress, talk openly with them about the plans, emphasising that they will have time with both parents and be able to enjoy the holidays fully.

Try to keep routines as consistent as possible and avoid putting children in the middle of conflicts or conversations about who “gets” them during specific times. Children are happiest during the holidays when they feel secure and can enjoy quality time with each parent without tension.

Be flexible and open to compromise

Life is unpredictable, and holiday schedules may need to change due to unforeseen circumstances. For instance, if one parent’s family has a big celebration planned that conflicts with the regular arrangement, the other parent might consider switching days. Being open to reasonable requests helps create a more positive and cooperative relationship.

Flexibility is particularly important for younger children, who may have different needs from older children or teens who may want more input into their holiday schedules. Allowing them some degree of choice, such as where they’d like to have Christmas dinner, can help them feel more empowered and respected.

Communicate respectfully and positively

Christmas can be an emotionally charged time, making respectful communication between parents is essential. Instead of framing holiday discussions as negotiations, consider them opportunities to collaborate. Approaching conversations with kindness, patience, and understanding shows children that their parents can work together, even in challenging circumstances.

If face-to-face discussions are too tense, consider written communication via email or a shared family calendar app to outline the schedule in a way that’s clear for both parents. This can help avoid heated conversations and create a neutral space for planning.

Arranging child contact over the Christmas holidays can require extra effort and a spirit of compromise, but the benefits for children make it worthwhile. If you have difficulties arranging Christmas holiday contact with your ex-partner, our team would be happy to assist you.